The Padendix

In yet another installment of our sub-series on unintended adventures, I just had my appendix removed.  Perhaps spurned by so many jokes at the expense of its vestigial nature, it did not go down without a fight.

Honestly, this isn't really a very unique adventure.  It's pretty went down the same for me as it does for most folks in the modern world.  In fact, rather than reading my notes on the subject, perhaps you could just watch this informative documentary.  I've linked in to the middle to save you time, but I'm sure the intelligent youtuber can find the entire three part series if he or she desires.

For those more into the written word, the adventure begins on Sunday.  I went to Reston to play some ultimate, eat some chicken wings, and hang out watching football.  Pretty normal day.  Tried some crazy-spicy wing sauce at the restaurant, but only a bit and that's probably not what did the appendix in...

I felt fine during the game and for the most part during the football game, though I had a bit of a gassy, bloated feeling towards the end.  Having just had a few beers and a bunch of wings, that wasn't THAT unusual.  We watched the end of the game at my parents house and hung out for a bit before heading to ANOTHER pub, to watch ANOTHER game.  You know, a pretty normal day.

By the time we got there I didn't feel great.  Really gassy, didn't really want any food but got some bread and beer to hopefully fill up my stomach and push the gas out.  Felt pretty darned miserable by the time we left, which was late because on the east coast they play football until like 12 in the am.

By the time I got home, I was solidly miserable.  Went to bed around 1:30 or so and kept getting up to try and use the bathroom but the gas pressure wasn't going anywhere.  It was hard to get comfortable in bed.

I expected some ab and back soreness - on Friday I'd gone to the gym and done a bunch of heavy deadlifts followed by a high intensity interval set of ab exercises.  Second day after is a common time for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS, we're no strangers).  My stomach was really bloated and muscle swelling is actually associated with an extreme condition called rhabdo, but I had none of the other telltale signs and rhabdo usually affects de-conditioned athletes who attempt strenuous workouts with insufficient hydration.  I've been a regular at the gym and I hydrate well so I kind of wrote that out too.

By 3 or 3:30am, I was pretty much unable to get comfortable in any position whatsoever and I'd actually started vocalizing my breaths as the pressure down there was making breathing hard and painful.  Melch figured that this was the point where it was time to seek medical attention and I agreed.

I'm not sure why, but as I was getting dressed to go, it dawned on me that it could be my appendix.  I have no idea why I thought of that as a possibility, but I hit wikipedia on my phone while waiting for Melch to get ready to go and their list of symptoms was my list of symptoms.  In the car I asked melch if the emergency care place we were going to had the capability to perform surgery.  They didn't, she said, but they could transport me if needed.  That'd do.

I was having so much fun that I was crest-fallen if we got a light red.  We got a few lights red.

We did of course eventually get to the emergency room and I was pretty out of sorts, kinda mumbling my name and birth date and all of that jazz to the admissions orderly.  A nurse took my vitals, commented on my low blood pressure and we waited for the doctor.

I had told the nurse what I had going on and he told the doctor who then asked the resident he had in tow for a diagnosis.  The resident said "appendix?"  The doctor turned to me and said, "yeah, you need your appendix removed."  30 second diagnosis for the win - gets you to pain killers more quickly!

Not THAT quickly though - I waited for an MRI first but it wasn't forthcoming so then I got an IV and finally some narcotics that made life a bit better.  I actually usually dislike narcotics like percocet or vicodin, but the heavier morphine and friends work out just fine for me - loopy enough that I don't care about anything and just get super friendly and talkative.

Changing venues

Anyway, they moved me from the emergency room to another hospital where I chilled out in my room waiting for the operation to be scheduled.  Then it was off to prep where a bunch of people tell you a bunch of things and ask you a bunch of questions and make you sign a bunch of things even though you're way too high to deal with any of that competently.

Hanging in my new quarters

Surgery was a laparoscopic affair which means it works with small incisions, lasers, computers, cameras and sorcery.  Apparently all of that went well.  Which didn't mean that I felt well, just better than before and without the time bomb organ.

I won't get into the details of laparo recovery for a padendix, you can look them up if you're interested.  The highlights: they've pumped your insides full of CO2 and cut 3 holes in the middle of you (the otherwise entirely accurate video above suggests only one).  The holes hurt and the CO2 creates discomfort.

I think the beard cover was Melch's idea... No idea if the doctors left it on.

The fix is apparently "walking," but you're tired and sore and high and attached to an iv thing that you have to wheel around with you.  But a-walking we did go.

Melch accompanied me and I actually had visits on my evening strolls from both my parents and hers, followed by a painkiller-supported attempt to sleep.

The following day the nurses felt like it would be a good idea for me to get up early and eat and walk.  I felt like it would be a good idea for me to sleep in.  The nurses won.

I went in early Monday am and left on Tuesday evening.  Tuesday daytime was a mostly boring affair with walking, eating and surfing the internet as highlights.  Daytime TV sucks.  Hospital wifi sucks.  But dying of appendicitis sucks more...

Anyway, I'm back home now.  Eating normally.  GI tract functioning... but not normally, yet.  The first few days back were really sore in the abs, that's starting to go away, but the wounds itch and the gas is still keeping me up at night.  Hopefully that'll improve soon.

I also can't lift weights or engage in strenuous physical activity.  Which, aside from sitting at my computer and drinking beer... is pretty much what I do.  This too shall pass though.  The restriction will soon be lifted and I'll be back to more intentional adventures...

A three?  A tree?  Oui Oui!